One day my friend Vincent had to play against the president in a tennis tournament. I have played with Vincent and I can tell you he is a good, decent amateur tennis player. But me and my other friend Patrick were amazed to see our friend Vinny playing like it was his first time to hold a tennis racket on that mach day, unbelievable! And the craziest part is that he was enjoying being butt kicked buy his Excellency; give it to me mister president…
That was for the introduction, let’s go to journalists.
Is it because they are so opportunists that they dream of being appointed to some government position?
Are they so hypnotised by his presence that they loose their tongue the moment he appears?
Are they intimidated prior to the interview by his boys to not embarrass him?
Or Are they just dumb!
What’s wrong with these bloody journalists?
It’s boring! It’s boring for us the listeners, its boring for Kagame himself, I wonder if it’s not even boring for the journalists!
This irritation started a long time ago, when Kagame accepted to participate in one of these talk shows at Radio contact and spent the whole airtime answering questions about some football player who’d refused to play in the national team! Gatete Jimmy.
The show had been advertised several times before, that we were all looking forward to it, and indeed we did not miss it, even though we missed out…
Now; in every reunion there is the main Agenda and there is AOB, sports usually come as AOB. I couldn’t believe the president of one of the most poorest countries in the world, with no natural resources, density, erosion, unity and reconciliation, famine, HIV, malaria and of course post genocide problems, sitting in the studio and answering questions about ball game, for the first time he was participating in one of the most popular and “political” shows in the country. The show wouldn’t have been more boring if he had sent his little daughter instead…
For some reason journalists enjoy repeating terminologies used by politicians. When asking him questions they have this painful complex of wanting to appear “politically correct” before Kagame. They would even use some English accent in Kinyarwanda or use English words while addressing him even when they are from a French background.
Right now I am listening to one of those shows and clearly it is like a bunch of docile pupils getting their usual lesson form the master. I have been listening to this show for almost an hour and he has repeated several time this “do you know what I am saying, you understand what I mean?” or “ibyo nabasobanuriye kare” (what I explained to you earlier) as in what I taught you earlier.
I mean, you can read this love on the faces of journalists when their listening to this guy, they are literally gazing at him, this reminds me of the verse in the bible when apostles would tell Jesus: teacher, tell us ! It sounds even better in Kinyarwanda: Mwigisha tubwire clearly they must learn a lot when they meet this man! Well personally I have never met him, but maybe they learn from body language or when they meet him in the corridor, but in the show I am afraid you can hardly pick up some crucial information…instead you will be entertained by his jokes. This man has got this-Rwandan Mzee-great sense of humour and I always laugh at his jokes.
At some point, he will lead the show, telling one joke after the other, to the perfect satisfaction of the journalists, until one of them, drunken by the jokes, asks this stupid question of the day, and give Kagame an occasion to blast him like: Ubwo se wowe uvuze iki… (Send your point home looser!), this to increase the orgasm of his colleagues who would laugh to their ears, Him included. Jesus! Is this some kind of macho thing? Do the journalists enjoy passing for bloody fools in front of everyone? Are they too stupid to figure he is making fun of them, what the hell’s going on with these guys!!
Freedom of information
Now some people say there is no freedom of expression in Rwanda. Well, that’s their opinion.
I say there is maximum freedom of expression. There is just no information.
Being given the flow is one thing, finding something relevant to say on that flow is another thing.
Look at it this way: You work up one morning and all the channels in the world are at your doorstep; CNN, BBC, SABC, VOA, DV, ALJEZIARA, etc. Before you realise what they want they point twenty microphones and cameras at you, what do you do? You have all the freedom of expression in the world but you got jack to say.
In one of the shows, a journalist stands up and asks: …Hum Mr President your Excellency, in Uganda they have appointed a minister to deal with the East African Community matters. What are we going to do? Can we follow their example…? Kagame, almost dozing because of the bore cuts him short and says: “look, that’s standard! The treaty stipulates clearly that every EAC country should appoint a minister in charges. By the way, it could you…” quiet clearly it can’t be him, if you see how Kagame was looking at him like he was talking to some kindergarten child who can’t guess the name of Tintin’s dog”
There are only three reasons to this: One, the journalist is from mars; two, he studied mechanics in school-no offense- and three, he is just too donkey to know that he should have read the treaty before asking any question related to it.
An old man who lived in Zaire in the days of Mobutu told me a joke about him.
Mobutu used to come to Rwindi and he’d go fishing with all his ministers and lieutenants, He said. They would be aligned along the river fishing and he’d turn to the one his left and ask in Lingala: “osi ozwi boni?” how many have you cought… and he’d replay “moko kaka mon mareshall” just one Marshall sir… he’d turn on the right “yo ozwi boni?” and you? “Mibale kaka mon mareshall”, jus two mareshall sir…
And he’d go “ah! Omoni? Ngai ekomi dix!” ah you see, I’ve caught ten! What would happen is that the minister would feel the fish”mordre l’hameçon” and chill until the president goes six times.
What can I say, leadership comes from God. We should respect our leaders…
Because I also care about my image, I am not going to criticise without giving suggestions:I suggest the president organises that type of conference with technicians and target groups.
 Nickname for Vincent
 AOB: any other business
 Mathew 19,16
 A national park in the northern Kivu, housing many spaces of animals including mountain
gorillas and a fishing lake
 Lingala is one of the five official languages in DRC, spoken mostly in Kinshasa the capital, and
the then languages of the Mobutu entourage.
 French. When the fish eats the pin trying to eat the little bacteria on it…