I love Burundi. Hell, every Rwandan loves Burundi. I don’t know, but I think it’s the Kirundi language, and how women speak to you there. After being yelled at all year long in Kigali, I like escaping to Burundi and hhhhhhooooo [I don’t know how to write that] – but you get the feeling right? Just cool off…
It’s a hot and humid place too. But not that crushing heat like in Dubai, no. It’s one that gets you in the vibe for a coconut juice and a swim at Bora bora – At least that is how I feel going there. But I keep finding myself with an Amstel Bock in my hand instead, being chatted up by four girls from Universite Lumiere. I like being chatted up in Kirundi! I think it’s the most romantic language in the world. And the great thing is that East Africans don’t know that yet. So while Kenyans party in Kigali, we quietly get down to Buja… This integration thing is great man!
Anyway with that description, I hope I have convinced you that Kigali would be nothing without Buja. At least that’s what I may have told an international journalist I met at Havana, one glorious night, who’d asked me what I was doing there. Between two Bocks, I may have exclaimed: ‘Burundi is Rwanda’s Soul!’ or some fruity BS like that; Cut the brother a slack, the three Lumiere girls were there; or is it four? It all got fuzzy at some point…
Here is the problem: the fool believed every word of it, and told it to all his colleagues – and I swear, that’s the only thing ‘regional experts’ have in common with freshman year girls from Universite Lumiere.
So when the military coup started unfolding, the so-called experts immediately walked Rwanda into the conversation. Creating some imaginary ‘Elephant in the room’, for France24 it simply became: ‘When is Rwanda intervening?’ While BBC, completely loosing the plot, worked out some Hutu-Tutsi-Rwanda ‘trio’ narrative; Ha!, like my evening at Havanna…
Rwanda however, was mum. Nothing! Kagame has a saying for that: ‘Iyo ibiyaga bije, urabyikinga bigahita, ukikomereza’ (When winds blow, you let them pass, then go on with your business)
But on a serious note, which fool thought Rwanda will unilaterally send troops to Burundi? Why would we do that? Until today, Congolese are blaming us for all their century-old problems.
Besides, we have regional mechanisms. We have an East African Community Stand-by Force, which last time I heard, said it was ready for deployment. And I suspect if Imbonerakure militia start mass killings, the region wouldn’t hesitate to send them in.
Do you think we are stupid, or are you stupid? When did you see Rwanda make a reckless political move, just for sentimental reasons? ‘Let’s go save our Soul’ kind of crap…
But I don’t buy their bigotry; I think they do it on purpose. By mentioning Rwanda next to a crisis, over and over again, they want to portray all countries in the Region in the same light. Now that they have oversold the genocide wire, they need to speak of Congo crisis, Burundi crisis, and each time mention Rwanda. They are unwilling to admit the obvious: that Rwanda is miles away in every aspect of human development and state building than any of its neighbors.
I remember going to Burundi in one of those Rift Valley Institutes, organized by all ‘Great Lakes Region experts’. The reason it is organized in Burundi, is because I suspect half of them can’t be given visas to Rwanda.
Anyway, based on the sizes of the three countries and related problems, we were supposed to spend three days on DRC, one day on Burundi and one day on Rwanda. We spent five days talking about Rwanda.
Congolese theory was simple: Rwanda is the source of our past, present and future problems.
Burundi, same thing: All experts in the room were unanimous: Burundi’s political model is better than Rwanda’s; in fact, Rwandan is about to explode very soon, but Burundi has finally found lasting peace.
Now, you know me: Confrontation IS my middle name. So for the first two-three days, being the only Rwandan in the room, I had fun picking up their bullshit one by one. But after a while, you don’t find it funny anymore. I mean, imagine listening to Reytjents frantically repeating: ‘I know Rwanda, I know Rwanda. All its development is based on looting Congo minerals’. Ok, in his defense, he is an old Belgian guy. He knows no other way of developing a country…
Me, I was more worried about the Burundians and Congolese in the room, all happy to believe a guy who hasn’t set foot in Rwanda for the last 20 years, instead of hearing fresh news from me.
I know being outstanding is a blessing and a curse. People around you can’t deal with it, so they start pulling you to their level, it is nature…
So to my beloved neighbors I want to say this: ‘wanawadanganya watu wale. Musizubae…’ Let’s work together to get our region out of trouble. These vultures want all of us to fail.
And to the international experts: You are reaching for nothing… When you go on ranting about Rwanda, we just look at you and think you are pathetic..
Ahasigaye, twabanje Bikiramariya…
Posted 15th May